bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
