just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
