Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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