There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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