A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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