He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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