Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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