i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Life is so much better after having sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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