Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
