Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
