you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
