yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
