I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
