So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
