I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
