didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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