I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
