did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
