I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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