Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
