I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
