I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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