you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
