i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
