New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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