Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
