She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
