I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
