it hurts more in the daytime
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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