I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
