as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
