my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
