So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He felt like a one man threesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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