and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize