I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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