Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
