I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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