I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
