You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize