I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
