I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
