next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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