I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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