My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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