first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize