Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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