Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
