24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
