its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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