I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
