so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A+ Viking dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
