Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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