There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize