Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
