My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
