Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
