you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
