I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
