do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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