I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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