he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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