how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
