Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
