Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
