maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
