I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
